more goodies.

(219): Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.

(408): hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
(1-408): if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends

(208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss

(720): o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

(323): this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
(765): call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing

(270): i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.

(510): he said he didn't have a condom.
(415): and you said?
(510): that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.